Raging Inner Comfort

Lena Eggers

by Lena Eggers

Story

I think I was born with rage within. 

I am angry all the time. 


Be the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect friend. 

Work hard academically, yet avoid being labeled a nerd; maintain friendships and likability.

Spend time with your family but don’t let your grades drop.

Have ambitions and goals, but marry a nice man one day and settle down. 


You take and take and take, without asking. Taking every little piece of me, consuming me until nothing remains. 


I want to scream, but my head is under water. 


I try to open my mouth but the only thing that comes out is “It’s okay”. 

Even though it isn’t. 



When there’s no one there to help or comfort me, to guide me, to tell me what to do, my rage is there.


My rage becomes my comfort, my refuge.

My rage is the love I always yearned for but never received.

My rage is hugging me from behind. 

My rage is wiping away my tears. 

My rage lifts me up to my feet. 

My rage assures me that I’ll eventually get what I deserve, that revenge will come.

My rage is everything to me.


I never thought I had a home, but I do, in rage. 

Rage is comfort, rage is foreseeable, rage is healing. 



© Lena Eggers 2023-09-01

Genres
Anthologies