RED NAILS

Following my expat tradition here in Stockholm of having a party-night out every 6 months and being a “bad mom” like Mila Kunis in her films, I decided in December 2019 to go out with some friends once again – an experience that would lead to what would become the weirdest Valentine evening a couple of months later.

I was always interested in understanding the “plastic surgery phenomenon” that had not only conquered Sweden’s capital but the whole globe. Why would women for example want to look like ducks by getting lip injections in order to attract men’s attention? Let me tell you, having lived in some of Europe’s most prestigious metropoles, I can definitely say that Sweden’s capital has taken this one step further! Still, I was not prepared to subject myself to the needle just to find out for myself about this alleged seduction secret of the 21st century.

Red long fake nails would have to do it, I thought, just for the sake of trying out something new. So I bought them, glued them to my fingers and went out into the cold Scandinavian night. I can tell you, these “porn nails” beat the duck lips, men were like flies.

Being a politically interested person, I decided to spend most of my evening talking to what happened to be a conservative pro-European politician. What a match I thought, only professionally speaking of course, since I am happily married with two kids.

The hangover from politically challenging discussions was huge, but nothing compared to the pain I had getting rid of those darn red nails on the next day! It was worth it I thought, I had found a match, a political twin! Let’s work on making Sweden more EUphoric and get Swedes more interested in EU matters! My European heart was burning, jumping for joy! I was even prepared to mingle with my new European friend on Valentine’s day itself, among millennials, business people and duck faces.

Only on that day, I appeared without fake long red nails.

And that’s where this “love story” ended.

Conclusion 1: Don’t fake it until you make it! I can still bring Europe a bit closer to the Swedish citizens by being myself and doing it on my own!

Conclusion 2: Tonight, I am having Valentine’s dinner again with my husband! Better the devil you know…

Conclusion 3: It’s Valentine’s Day for me and Europe all 365 days of the year!

P.s.: Upper Austrian version of this text will follow shortly.