Romance

Have we lost the romance of the nineties, and buried it under the technology? I wonder whether the romance is really dead or if people have just become lazy to make the effort. With the dating apps out there encouraging not only the comparison of people by physique, but also enabling the never ending choices, it is a challenge to keep the romance alive. Why put in the effort and focus on one person, when perhaps there is a better option hiding in plain sight?

I once watched a short documentary explaining that love eventually comes down to the economics of sex. In the past, for men to have access to women intimately, they had to be married, and while there was high demand, the supply of women so to speak was scarce. Women were not open to exploring intimacy before marriage. As time passed, there are more and more women that allow easier access, and thus, supply is now exceeding the demand. Consequently, no need to put in effort in charming your date, because well, if she is not willing someone else probably will.

Love is not the same as romance, though. One can love someone and at the same time not be in love with someone – a subtle detail that make a big difference. Being in love with someone, accepting them as they are and being mesmerized with everything they do, is not the same as having strong affection for someone. Love can be platonic but when we are in love with someone, and we feel the butterflies, it has romance written all over our hearts.

First dates today, almost feel as if you are at a job interview. Romance does not have to be all about grand gestures, though. In fact, it is not about grand gestures at all. Seeing that your date is cold and sharing your coat with the person, this is simple and costs nothing, and yet screams romance. Sharing a Spotify playlist, very intimate, opening up to someone the sacred garden of the music that heals your soul allows your partner to get to know you without you saying much, and is the basics of romance.

It is the details that will keep the romance alive for the couples that have been together for a long term. Intimate small gestures, outside of bedroom, do not have to fade away with time. In fact, take a few minutes of your time to find out what your love language is, and understand that of your partner. Communication is a big part of romance, and knowing how to communicate to your partner with your actions, touch, and words that will speak to their heart is key.