Saros

Öykü

by Öykü

Story

If you’re stuck between sinking and floating, what should you do? A simple answer: choose one of the two options. If your head is above water, but your body is submerged, you won’t make it.

When she saw this text, she was creating new moments in her mind. These were moments that had never happened, but perhaps one day could happen. So, why was she creating memories that had never happened? Why didn’t she devote all her effort to making these moments come true? Because she was lonely… She needed something small to hold on to; not just something to motivate her, but also something that wouldn’t make her feel alone. In most of these moments, she didn’t create her own happiness but rather the happiness of others. Perhaps she didn’t know what her own happiness was. Seeing smiles on other people’s faces showed her that there was at least a glimmer of hope in the world. What was her name, what did she do, how old was she, where did she come from, and where was she going? She didn’t know the answers to those questions either… In fact, until very recently, she had all the answers, but one day something happened, and it was as if she suddenly plunged into salty, cold water; quickly the cold water burned all over her, but she continued until she touched the sand at the bottom. When she came level with the sand, it was as if something appeared in her mind, and she pressed her foot on the sand and thrust herself sharply to the surface.

When she emerged from the water, she took a deep breath, her tears started, and they merged with the salty water… Now she didn’t know her name, her job, where she came from, or where she was going. So, did it have to be so important where she came from and where she was going? Did she have to take root somewhere? Couldn’t she be a rootless tree in the forest? Wouldn’t Earth still give her nutrients? How long would it take to find this answer? She didn’t know, we didn’t know either… If we had known, we would have told her… I guess no one among us knew the answer, and no one would ever know… She had chosen to float, caught between sinking and floating. Two years had passed, and now she was sinking, and this text had come across her again. At some point, not just for a fleeting moment like in books, she chose to sink for real, letting her body cry, complain, and curse… She knew she needed this moment too, and it would end. Actually, she needed a sea, a salty and cold sea… Because she had found all the answers she was looking for there before, in the place where she wasn’t afraid and wanted to die… In the sea…

At the moment, she’s not in a state to go to that sea. Maybe for a while longer she won’t be able to go. Until then, the only thing she has to do is sink… She will sink, but when she goes to that sea, she will thrust herself out of the water so forcefully that she will find where she’s going… She will find the answer to that unknown question, remember what to do, what she wants, and most importantly, who she is.

After reading these sentences, she closed the book. How had she found the strength to open this book again? The strength to read these lines again? But there was something different… Tears… They were absent…

This time, they were absent.

© Öykü 2024-07-12

Genres
Novels & Stories