seven

“What if he will still hate me?”, the older one asks.

“But what if he doesn’t?”, Ryan asks instead. “He needs time. Give him some and after that we’ll see what happens. No need to rush things, Polaris. I know you can be impatient, but right now Castor needs time. I know it’s hard, but I- I mean we are here for you.”, he adds softly.

“Thank you Luny, you’re a good mate.”, Polaris finally says after taking some time to think about what Ryan just told him.

“Cheers mate”, Ryan says in, what Polaris could swear was, a pained tone, but that doesn’t really make sense in this situation, so he must be wrong. The nightmares have messed with his brain, he barely got any sleep he assumes. The thought of sleep makes him slowly drift off, and before he can even tell what happens, he falls asleep. This time without any nightmares nor any dream at all.

***

Waking up isn’t easy for Castor, it never is. It used to be easier, but now he’s tired all the time, not able to tell the difference between sleeping and being awake. Day and night mash together, so safe to say, morning is his least favourite time of the day, because he isn’t even able to tell when morning is. Staying up until 4 am, falling asleep with nightmares and dragging himself out of bed each and every morning seems to be his destiny. So that’s what he does. He sits alone during breakfast. Not because he has no one to sit next to, he has, but he chooses not to sit next to his friends. It’s easier that way. Easier not to draw attention to him, because he doesn’t like attention, he already gets too much for being a member of the Blackwell family. Castor would much rather just stay in his dorm room instead of sitting here, but there was a mandatory attendance. The only thing that is left for him, is that, he can sit on his own in the very last corner of the room, which he does. The downside of this being that, from this point he sees all the dining hall, more specifically he has a clear view at Polaris and his friends. Whenever Castor wants to eat, he sees his brother having so much fun with his friends, but he has the most fun with Jasper, which makes Castor dislike him more than the others. He has that weird feeling of betrayal in the pit of his stomach whenever he sees Jasper even walk by. He is convinced, that Polaris left him, because Jasper was a better brother than he ever was. He knows better than that, but sometimes Castor isn’t thinking with is head but his heart. This is the reason why he catches himself building up his walls again, once Jasper sees him staring at their table. They held eye contact for just a second before Castor could see a switch in Jasper’s face, his features softened in what seems like pity. This made Castor feel sick, he lowered his head, got up and left without even touching his food. He must admit, this happens every now and then. Sometimes Castor feels as if thoughts make him feel more full than food ever could.