Seventeen years (part I)

Lex B

by Lex B

Story

I’m seventeen years old. My parents want me to study after school just to prepare for my later life. They have no idea about my dreams for the future and honestly they would never understand. Since I was a little kid, my only wish is to become a singer. Well, I know – this probably won’t work. But there must be a way to earn my own money with my music. I mean, in the world there are so many musicians who once were at the same point as I am right now, and they chose their way to be a singer. Every single song can only exist because somebody has started to write the lyrics for it and then decided to release the whole thing. Some of them became stars overnight and others just didn’t reach fame before their death. So why shouldn’t I have luck too and why shouldn’t my dreams come true? Maybe following my parent’s plans for me would be easier but definitely this would feel wrong, like I wouldn’t have the right to live my life on my own way – and after my dreams. Anyway, I think it’s worth trying out if I can do it.

At the moment I am at school. It’s big break. Like always, I hide myself in the bathroom. I haven’t understood yet why people think school is the only place to find friends. Okay… I guess the others didn’t get any chance to see the real person behind my surface but that’s exactly what I want. Nobody wants to be a friend of a person like me who can’t organise herself and who doesn’t want confrontations with anyone. I’m a perfect loner. You might say I’m a loser but that’s not right because not having friends at school has many benefits for my mental health. When sitting in class and hearing some students talking about their problems with I-don’t-know-who, it shows me that I can live without all the drama. I don’t get bad blood with any other person at school and, by the way, I can concentrate on my teachers while they are upset about all the others in the room because they do the opposite of me. Only when we work in groups it gets a bit problematic … But most of the time I just tell my group members what I think about our task and then I work out the details alone so that I never need to be on a phone-call with them or even meet the group after school.

I’m sitting here waiting for the end of the break. The restroom is full like every day during break time. I shouldn’t mind, certainly delineated in my cabin, but it does. It does a lot. The girls get here in pairs, meet their friends and talk about everything and everyone. I would say some of them are supposed to win an award for best gossip. What I get to know about the whole school just being in the toilet in breaks is unbelievable. If somebody would ask me, I could tell them about every new relationship at school and the next day which of this couples broke up because she found out that he fell in love with her best friend or something. This news are not a bit interesting for me. It’s exhausting to be informed about details of relationships and breakups that couldn’t interest me less. Whatever, I like spending my time without all the students around me. I kinda think it’s okay even if no one else understands me. My teachers wonder about my behaviour from time to time but never ask questions about it. They seem to believe I have autism. But that’s not the problem I have.

© Lex B 2024-05-30

Genres
Novels & Stories
Moods
Emotional, Traurig
Hashtags