Shots Fired

Burning Heart 

My love for you
is lost in the fire. 
My blood is boiling 
with no lid in sight. 
My thoughts caught a fever 
the pills can’t keep down. 
The doctors are speedy
but they can’t find the cause. 
The fire is spreading 
my soul is searing 
I just want 
to hold you close. 

Trypanophobia

I’m not afraid of needles. 
I’m afraid of pain. 
This pain triggers feelings
that linger like a stain. 

I’m afraid of fear 
of what it represents. 
Failure. Loss. Incompetence. 
A plethora of unfortunate events. 

I’m afraid of weakness
of holding on and letting go. 
Of pouring in my heart 
but having naught for it to show. 

I’m afraid of sadness
that engulfs you like a fire. 
My world, right now, in flames 
the situation’s looking dire.  

I’m not afraid of needles 
but every sting hurts twice as much. 
When everything is riding on it 
the fear, is just a clutch. 

Needle in a Haystack / IVF Mathematics

The first needle retrieves 17 eggs. Count yourself lucky. 15 are mature. 
Some don’t even have 5. Some women, none. 

Go home. Relax. 

Sure you can. 

You arrive. Bag down, notes out. 15 mature. If 60% make it past day 3, how much are you left with?
So many things to keep track of: Sperm. Eggs. Quality. Division. Sanity. 

Last time you heard about so many odds and probabilities, you were in Maths class. You suddenly wish you payed more attention. Does a 40% sound good or bad? 

You get the results. 
Only 3 embryos made it past day 5. 

Your second IVF attempt is on its last straw. 
And with that, so are you.