Something only the dead ones know about

”My life is already fucked up”, that’s what I shouted into the wind, standing on the edge of the cliff. Down there a dozen sharp rocks waited for me, ready to tear me apart or at least what was left of me to that moment. “But suicide is weak”, Danny argued. 

“What do you want to say by that? That I am weak? Well, you got the point then, ’cause that’s what I am.” I recognized the well-known bitterness in my voice. 

“Well, I didn’t want to say that…”, he hesitates and I raise my eyebrows. “What did you wanna say then?”, I help him give me a proper answer. 

“You’ll probably be dead in less than a second, no suffering, no pain, but when you’re dead you can’t come to live anymore.” I laughed. It was a sad and exhausted laugh. “I don’t know if you don’t get it, but that is exactly the point of killing oneself, so you don’t feel any pain anymore, so you won’t suffer ever again, so you don’t get to live anymore.”

“But, what about your dreams?”, I can hear his voice shaking more with every word he says. 

“I don’t have any dreams, not anymore”, I answer, my voice is just some kind of whisper. “You don’t have any dreams? But everybody does.”

“Well, apparently I don’t.” I take a step closer to the abyss under the cliff that will end my life, soon, not long from now. 

“There’s always another solution than suicide”, out of his mouth it sounds like he spits it out as if he abhorred it. 

“Not for dead people, Danny”, I say, all the bitterness has gone from my voice, instead sadness has taken over and makes it hard for me to pronounce the words. I try to swallow the lump in my throat but refrain from wiping away the tears. “But you aren’t dead yet”, he says, clearly not understanding. It’s sad how people like him have so little understanding. 

“You sure? While I’m obviously not physically dead, my mind and soul were killed quite a while ago. There’s no chance of me not letting my body follow today. It will be just like flying, or dreaming.” I turn one last time to him and lift my hand to wave at him just to see a hole of pain which once used to be his eyes, but the misunderstanding has left his eyes. 

“See you on the other side bro”, were the last words I said to him when I heard him shout “Wait!” right behind me.

“What?”, I said without turning around. 

“Can I come with you?”, I wouldn’t have expected that words out of his mouth, but there was nothing I can say against it, so I just nod. “Yeah, sure, why not.” He comes to a stand next to me and holding each other’s hands we’re standing at the edge. Taking a last glance at one another we take a step forward, into the unknown, something only the ones know about, that can’t tell the living ones about it anymore.