Sorry mom

I love you, Mom.

I love you for being strong

and I love you for fighting.

I love you for protecting

and I love you for hiding

but

I don’t want to be you

ever.

I don’t want to live the life you have lived

and I don’t want to be strong.

I don’t want to fight

and I don’t want to hide.

I don’t want to be you.

I don’t want the life you have

and I don’t want the kind of marriage you have had

I don’t want my kids to be scared

and I don’t want my heart to cry for help

I don’t want to protect non-stop

and I don’t want to feel alone.

I don’t want to save up money for

“just in case”

and I don’t want my packed-up luggage waiting for me in my closet to be finally used to get away

I don’t want to cover my face

and I don’t want to lie

I don’t want to pretend

and I don’t want to run.

I don’t want anything but a happy life

a happy marriage

a happy family

a happy me.

I love you, Mom.

I love you.

but I really don’t want to be you

ever.