Spooky Hollow

I was alone walking in the woods

The sun is gone and so is the snow

It’s wet and gray and my head’s turning

There’s not much that I can see but this spooky hollow under the trees

The leaves reach out to one another creating a canopy over me

That I didn’t even know it was raining

That I didn’t know if it rained from the sky or whether it was from my eyes

But my legs were heavy and my body was weak and I don’t know who’s sad but I guess it was me

But I don’t know why I’m sad because I thought I was happy for a millisecond

But it hits me again

The gray of the world I’m seeing matching the gray outfit I’m wearing

That I wish I could just disappear or blend into the gray of this spooky hollow

That nobody can see me aching, that nobody can feel scared of me or worried, or sad, because of me

I got so weak every each day, I got nothing in me I’m proud of, I got nothing to lose

But at the very least, this spooky hollow feels warm to me

Like the cold doesn’t even get to me anymore, as if the earth is getting even warmer and the sky getting even sadder and I remain the saddest of all that’s happening

I’m not even able to see those I love because I don’t feel like I deserve what they give me because it has to come from me to love and to feel that I deserve that love, which I am currently unable to feel

Because I’m constantly dizzy and I feel like I’m losing me slowly and I have so much to fight in me that I run out of energy to fight for other things outside of me

It’s crazy how the situation turns around on me; I thought I was well again, I thought I finally could breathe but maybe it just isn’t for me

Maybe I was doomed to be in the shadow of life, maybe I never deserved to feel alive or maybe this is how I feel alive

Maybe it’s what living feels to me, maybe I just have to get used to it, maybe I’m just tired, and that’s about it

But maybe tomorrow the spooky hollow will be gone, maybe the air clears up again, maybe I can finally breathe again

But for now, it is what it is to me, just a gray somebody in the gray under the trees

Fighting in silence