by Sylvia_xxx
Who I am, I no longer know.
I probably knew once, but even that has been lost to time.
Like a broken record player, I keep repeating my mistakes.
I know I am not to blame.
Yet I must still shoulder this collapsing amount of shame.
I could have changed. Maybe I did change.
Relying on feelings that don’t belong.
I pretend to be a human.
I pretend to be like the rest.
I stretch this godforsaken world.
To find myself alone again.
Left with only my thoughts to fight.
Dread creeping closer.
I am lost in myself.
Clouded by self-doubt.
I am lost.
Misplaced and stuck.
Dissociation is my curse to carry for locking her out.
I should have understood.
I should have looked, but I was frozen like a deer in headlights.
Letting fate unfold itself without protest.
This doesn’t feel right, but what would I know?
After all, I don’t feel.
Must I spell everything out to be noticed, heard, and seen?
My tears burn.
My skin feels foreign, and I am not.
I might have been.
But in my opinion, I never was.
This is but the life of nobody.
Of me.
© Sylvia_xxx 2024-03-02