Swiping to feel

Oh boy, I remember that one friend who told me about this dating app back in the day when I was just a clueless university student with little romantic experience whatsoever. I had no idea what was about to come. I remember it was around 2014 when she told me, “I met a nice guy on this popular new app; download it and give it a try.” and so I did. To be honest, I had no idea I was going to discover a new flirty side of me, nor that I was going to experience some intense emotions. I should have known, though. I’ve always been an “intense” person. I feel deeply; I crush hard. I guess I was swiping to feel. I had been trying to get over my ex for over a year. It was about time for me to “get over it.” I was looking for a distraction. I didn’t want to feel like a loser or fall in love. I just wanted to get over my ex, move on, and with that thought in mind, I swiped right.

Normal-looking guy, nine years older than me, just visiting, not a local, basically the perfect combination to give it a go. On top of that, I used to live in the touristy area of the city. People mostly chose that area for dates, and it was the favorite place for foreigners and tourists to stay. So after chatting for a couple of hours, there I was, about to meet this man. I saw him waiting from a distance. Not so tall, not so handsome, but I still gave it a go because… why not?

He seemed smart. I have always appreciated that in a man. After talking for a while, and out of nervousness, I decided to just go for it: I asked him to hug me, and then I kissed him. He was impressed and surprised, he didn’t see that one coming. Then, things got a little intense. After some more kissing in front of the ocean, he asked me if I wanted to go to his apartment. I was shaking on the inside. I had never done such a thing. He was trying to convince me, and I was open to new experiences. I didn’t want to promise anything, so my way out was to say, “ok, but we are just going to cuddle and watch TV,” and with that promise, we walked toward his place.

Yes, we did more than cuddling. He had a lot of experience, I really enjoyed that random encounter. I thought it was really going to be a one-night stand. But it wasn’t. To my surprise, he kept on texting me and said he had really enjoyed spending time with me and that the next time he was in town, he’d like to go for coffee and get to know me better. Now, that’s when I started to get confused. One part of me was ready to play it cool and casual. But then this man was persistent and wanted to get to know me more, which activated the other part of me: the romantic one.

I guess I liked the chase and the idea of a possibility out of something so random, you know, like in the movies. We chatted for three months before we saw each other again. I tried to play it cool like the first time, but sadly, I realized something… I had fallen for this man! The chatting, the expectation, the good conversation…a little too soon and a little too sad, as he was just really not wanting more than that. He left, and I never saw him again. I wiped my tears and learned the lesson: don’t play with fire, don’t swipe to feel.