by Ana Morais
Everything you said always seemed so righteous. So how could I have known that the judges in my heart, had misjudged you so blindly?
All this time I have been in love with a memory. The memory of the person you used to be.
And I said I had enough. Enough of you, enough of us. But yet here I am.
I even had a dream about you last night. I dreamed that you proposed to me. You held me close to you and we danced all night on the beach, barefoot.
I dreamed that we would grow old together. We always relied on each other no matter what obstacles were lying in our way.
But as I said, it was just a dream. In reality, we drifted apart. There are only a few meters keeping us from a single touch. Yet a wall has been put up and neither of us can climb.
We’ve grown so distant, that there seems to be nothing left of what we initially had. Maybe we’ve both changed, or maybe just our feelings did.
I just really believed that I might get over this soon, but you are like the ocean, sending waves to my coast whenever I think you are gone for good.
You are like rain. The type that is barely noticeable, but still there. You are constantly on my mind. Even if it has been a while ago, since we said our goodbyes. You are always in the back of my head, dismantling my thoughts. Sometimes I feel like I’m going slowly insane, as I wish for your touch, for your words and for your lust.
But your once sweet and sugary lips only speak bitter and salty words now.
You came when I bloomed, but left me with nothing but ashes. Still can’t believe how fast our high crashes.
You keep me grasping for more even when I have enough. Keep me hoping, believing, what we had was really love. But you never made “forever” sound like a promise. More like something you’d say to sound modest.
And the words “I love you” turned into the fake truth. The kind of lie you really want to believe is true.
I wish I could say that after all I have been through, I have learned from my past mistakes. But I know for sure, if you asked me to do it all again, I would nod and quietly but surely take your hand into mine. Where it belongs to and where it longed to be this whole time we’ve spent apart.
© Ana Morais 2022-08-28