The broken Moon

There was chaos in her head yet nothing. Life crashed down on her. It was the first time that she realized how broken she was. She was scared to love, she was scared to not be loved, she was scared to show emotions, she was scared to become numb. Her last relationship took everything from her. The anxiety was tying together her chest, it was as if she was wearing a corset of thorns. Every breath hurt. He made her lose herself, she didn’t know who she was and what nontoxic love was. She was a tiny butterfly and he slowly but surely ripped out her fragile wings.

“It’s your fault.”
“You are too emotional.”
“You don’t want to? I can bring you into the mood, come on.”
“You are so selfish, you don’t give me any space.”
“No, I don’t want to do anything. I just want to watch my show.”
“You know I can’t buy you flowers they are too expensive. And these ones are too cheap, they are below my standards.”

She curled herself together and cried repeatedly. She always thought it was her fault and that she was unworthy of love. Because why should she be treated like that if she was enough? She must be not good enough. She must love even more. But he used that against her. Made love to her even though she didn’t want to. She even cried during it. She was disgusted with herself; she hated her body so much. And he proudly told his friends all intimate details in front of her even though he already knew he would break up with her. “I love you. We should move in together.” No, he didn’t. He broke up with her a week later, not saying anything and after she pleaded with him for the reason, he blamed her. It was all her fault. And she believed every single lie.

Suddenly she saw herself as an unlovable, selfish creature that deserved nothing else than self-hatred.

A sirens restless night

Little pearls were dropping down
one
by one
gleaming n’ glittering, captivating the soul
leaves were covered in a blanket of mist
created by her own eyes
keeping the morning dew away from the world
hurting
an ocean of little gems she couldn’t collect
a sign of weakness to her
why share it?
keep it,
burry it,
but never forget it
fragile hands were wiping away the salty diamonds
to make space
to let them come back at night again
over and over