The crazy mouth

Soft. It was soft. The bed of lies I was lying in. Were they even lies?True, I had also spewed the truth. The bed was becoming my truth. I had lived through the lies, having done make-pretend. I had tried so hard to make them true, was there a difference between the two anymore?

What is reality? Reality #1, do you remember? That was a lie. Truly, it is just perception, and I can change it any time I desire. I had become what I despised the most. A fake. But was I really? My lies were strong. What is the correlation between strong lies and reality? Whenever I lie, I warp reality. I have the ability to believe the lies and act upon the imaginary situations I think so realistically that in its entirety, either I warp, or I create new worlds that the ground has not been laid upon.

We humans have a weak memory. So weak in fact, that we actually make up many of the things we remember, even just the minute details. They are also lies, not with the intention to do so but still, they are lies that warp reality so much that in our mind, it was never any different. It was immutable. So what difference does it make if we do lie? Even if it is morally ambiguous, if we do lie to ourselves, nobody will know. Often times, I have caught myself lying about small matters. Only after a while, I found out that I wanted to unconsciously change a person’s perception of me. I was never myself, just a spokesperson for myself. I do that a lot, completely change reality in order to appeal to others. I must do so, otherwise, I believe nobody would still be talking to me. Isn’t that crazy? That I can’t be honest for just one second?

All of us are crazy in one way or another. We just don’t realize. What does craziness even mean? We may connect it to psychopathic characters on TV, a white cell with bolstered walls and a person wearing a straight jacket. That is not what craziness is. Craziness is based on the perspective of truth. Each person perceives the world differently, yet, we generalize. Everything is unique, yet, we generalize. We generalize moral truths and fallacies because otherwise the ‘simple’ human mind cannot comprehend what is thought about. But things are not simple and will never be.

Craziness is often times perceived when someone’s perspective illogical to us. When their thought patterns do not make sense to us. The label ‘craziness’ scrutinizes them. On the rare occasions that someone believes you, you are labeled a genius.

My mouth moves by itself. Correlating thoughts are not there. Is this craziness? Insanity? It is out of the norm. I think. What comes out are not sound waves, but a black shiny goo. My fingers move up to touch it. It’s sticky. It’s not real, but it’s real to me, a forced upon placebo. My throat fills up and I choke; tears run down my face. The goo is not physically here, but it is here. It is. Please believe me, this is not a lie. Please Shepherd, the wolf is coming to devour me. Won’t you do anything?

“We don’t know who you are anymore. You are a stranger. Maybe YOU are the wolf!” The sheep start yelling. They don’t want you here anymore.