by Nina Kett
I didn’t know real darkness. Or better, I forgot what it was like. When we moved from our flat in a suburban area back to a small village in the middle of nowhere, that was the last thing I had thought about. Finally, no more neighbors complaining about our children running on the floor (“quit stomping! No jumping!”), finally, no more dog poo in the garden (“Look Mommy, I put some cool paint on my tractor!”). Our new neighbors were a bunch of peaceful cows, and the garden was vast.
The first night we went to bed there, I read my kids a bedtime story, tucked them in, told a second story and finally turned off the lights to go to sleep myself. I felt swallowed by black ink. No street lamp lighting up the corridor. Instead, the scratching of mice in the attic, a marten hiding in the glass wool. I couldn’t see my hand; I tried several times, but the black wouldn’t change. So, it was me, alone in the dark, alone with my thoughts.
The faint sound of music. Really shitty music from the 1970s and 1980s. The ghosts of the Twilight Café came back. And they brought the Oldie Night with them. I smelled Belgian beer, cigarette smoke. I was sixteen again. “How about you sit here and sell beer tokens for a while?”, Mom asks. I shake my head. Olivier is not here with his dad. He is nice and about the only person my age in this place. And he speaks French, which I think is cool. DJ Guy is on stage, a few women dance. Well, they do not really dance, they move their arms and legs a little, like contented zombies, while the men drink beer and smoke. They only “dance” when DJ Guy plays ACDC. That’s when the Hardrock part starts. It only lasts for two to three songs and is usually followed by Katrina and the Waves and “Walking on Sunshine”, the highlight of the night. The men then continue headbanging, and they might even move their legs a little.
“Please, give me something different!”
It’s me, alone in my room. My window is open, and I hear DJ Guy announcing the next song, “I love rock’n’roll”. I feel good. It’s summer, I’m almost done with school. I am in love and about to see the world. So many opportunities ahead, a whole life. I am going to leave this place, and this is my goodbye song.
My hand was still dark. But now, darkness felt like a peaceful blanket I was about to cuddle into. Bittersweet melancholy swept over me. Now, my path had become a way, so many opportunities gone. I was happy with my choices but always curious. This, I whispered to the darkness.
© Nina Kett 2024-01-11