The Girl I once knew

There is a girl I remember. As time went by you started to forget. Not because you got old or anything like that. No, you forgot because life changed you.

The first thing you forgot is how to be a child, how to be carefree. How to play without care for anything else than your little silly game. After that, you forgot how to show whatever you feel, open like an audiobook played in a full room. Those are some of the little but very important things you forgot. The next thing that followed is your innocence. You learnt about the darker sides of the world. What was it that stole it away? Was it the bullying in school because you weren’t like them? Or was it because you were good at something and they were jealous? Or maybe you were just shy and they didn’t understand it. Did they call you names as well? Were you lonely? Believe me, I understand.

But since then there was so much more that was lost through all the pain. At first, it was only sometimes when you put a mask on. Then when you were in school. And finally always besides the safe space you had in your room. When was it that you lost yourself in your masks? Yeah, I know you don’t remember. You forgot. Silly me I shouldn’t have asked. I am sorry.

I know that wasn’t the last thing you forgot. You forgot something even more important. You forgot how to identify what you feel. Not just that you lost the trust you had in yourself. You forgot what your core is. Who you are. Something so important you forgot. I know. I wish we could remember. But we can’t, we may have our memories but the emotions behind them are lost to us. There may be something we can do but right now this isn’t in our abilities.

You are the Girl I knew I was. I am the Woman you have become. One Person made from Past and Present. And in the Time in between so much was lost that can’t be regained. But living in the past helps neither of us. We need to accept that this is lost to us and move forward. Yes, it is hard we know that. But nothing is ever truly easy. Nothing of true worth at least. There is a woman I know.