The importance of remembering

Although it is 7 years since my daughter Jasmine died, I remember that first year as if it was yesterday. The first of those anniversaries was combining Jasmine’s 40th birthday with the sprinkling of her ashes. I felt grim and thought I had flu, as my body had begun aching all over as if I had flu. This is quite normal as the body has it’s own cellular memory of events.

We were all somewhat nervous. The cemetery was within walking distance of the house. We each carried a flower, then standing in a circle around her grave, we took turns sprinkling her ashes into the prepared hole. My two grandchildren had written touching letters to Aunt Jasmine. They read these out loud and then placed them into her grave – where possible it’s important to include children. I was amazed at how many ashes there were and remember tossing some of them into the air. Bizarre as it may sound, I loved the feel of them landing on my body and didn’t wash my hair for days.

We then walked back to the house and made a huge pot of tea and talked about Jasmine. Since it was also Jasmine’s 40th birthday we cut her birthday cake and enjoyed a glass of prosecco – her favourite drink.

At nine o’clock that evening, the hour in which she died, we released a helium balloon into the night skies.

That night we left a plate of birthday cake out for Jasmine with a little glass of prosecco. Although they were still there in the morning, I’m quite sure she will have been with us, as she always loved celebrating birthdays.

It was a big day and we had an incredible feeling of completion, that we had shared memories and honoured someone who was so important to us. I felt so proud of my two grandchildren.

A simple ceremony can help you move through the day. And even though it may feel hard at the time, you actually feel much better at the end of it. Facing and marking an anniversary in some way is the way forwards.

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