The Lost of a Friend

Michelle Baulig

by Michelle Baulig

Story

I can only trust myself, because I know, i would never hurt my own health! What is it, that everyone makes them leave me? Is something wrong with me? Or did something destroyed the harmony? Am i too much? Am i too loud? Am i a bad friend? Am I too proud? Did i made a mistake, i didn’t know? Or did something else made them go? It’s hard for me to see them leave. To be left alone in my grief.  Now they live happily in their peace, while i am watching them with tears, talking again to my own fears. 

Tears in my eyes and with a bleeding heart. With wounds so deep that they had it cut. From loved ones to strangers… already again! How often can I still handle this pain?! I can’t take no more! I don’t want any more! Don’t want to cry again behind my closed door! I’m scared, if I get to love you, I will lose you too! You will leave me and I have to find someone new. But I know for a fact, that nobody can replace what we once had!  That if you go, what we had will be forever dead!

So please be careful when you’re leaving and rubbing the salt in my healing wounds.

Please beware of the fact that I would do anything for you to make you stay!

Even if I know you wouldn’t do the same for me anyway…

I would take the blame for something you did. I would rescue you from your demons. I would travel around the world just to see you again and i would literally die for you, because you are my man!

But you wouldn’t do the same for me, like i would do for you, isn’t that true?

Now it’s time to chase the memories and to learn to live alone again. Why don’t you want yourself to explain?! Why did you leave? Why isn’t this hard for you too? Why am i the only one in grief, of losing a good friend? Is this funny to you? 

Don’t you even care about this loss? Everything has its price and someday you will have to pay the cost!! I know sooner or later you will have forgotten it all.  You will have forgotten me and the memories we made. And someday for a comeback, it will be all too late. But my mind will always remember you. Late at night i will stay awake, because the question >if you are okay< will torture me and >what do you do<.

And my heart will replaying your laugh in my dreams, while in the meantime your image is playing before my closed eyes and the tears in it are screams.

They’re screaming your name. They’re screaming for you. My skin misses your hugs, and I’m missing you too.

I think it’s a bruise that will always stay black and blue. 

That will never heal, because of you.

© Michelle Baulig 2024-06-20

Genres
Anthologies
Moods
Dunkel, Emotional, Reflektierend, Traurig, Angespannt
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