The Trinity

There was no harm in being The bigger person just this once if it meant stepping away from an uncomfortable situation that could be avoided and transformed into Peace instead. It would mean: Their harmony, my balance and our bliss. The Trinity I believed in and The Trinity I thought others would believe in too. But isn’t it funny how sometimes What you do to others you do to yourself just won’t work for everyone? And that the keeper of the words Be nice to the people you meet on your way up because you will meet them on your way down again, will actually never have a way up. That this Way Up, that wanting to do everything right for others inevitably meant doing everything wrong for myself?
I gave everything in my power but after everything they got I couldn’t understand that I wasn’t paid with Harmony, Balance and Bliss – for all of us. I couldn’t understand, and I still don’t, how they could still point fingers, weaponize their words and their bodies alike and why they wouldn’t see all the efforts I made for them. All of it. All of me. Just for them. Just for you. And so, I bowed my head and threw my hands in the air and fell. I fell because there were too many battles already, and I was lacking energy and strategy. Besides, A Smart Person would be able to pick and choose battles wisely. But I had no energy nor strategy left, and so I picked and chose them all. Every single one of them. All at once.

I fell silent because understanding evolved into a one-way street and for sure, I didn’t want to be the reason for them speed bumping through Life or worse, getting them stuck in traffic. And so I wasn’t rude, and so I wanted to respect their wishes and so, I stayed off sugar as well because Consideration was important when it meant we could starve together. Making the decision for the both of us to stay away from the nectar that could be shared and enjoyed in times when Life was everything but sweetening. And so I didn’t end the relationship sooner because I couldn’t bear being the source for them being alone and miserable. Especially seeing them holding the pieces of their broken hearts in their hands and asking me to Please, forget me not. And so I broke my own heart as well so I, too, could be in a place of The Unforgotten because I could never forget about them, and I was hoping they would never forget about me too. And so I didn’t say No, and so I didn’t laugh, and so I started to teleport myself to the Moon. Traveling there to avoid it all. To avoid every battle. Every single one of them. All of them. All at once.
But everything I didn’t do or everything I did wouldn’t evaporate in thin air on my way there, no. It didn’t disappear just because I tried to leave it on Earth. It would stick with me and as soon as I would return I would repeat it internally, finishing the conversations with myself, eventually swallowing the parts that were actually meant for sharing.
Yes, and so I became wrong, so others could be right, and quiet, so others could be heard. Yes, and I became invisible, so others could be seen, and less, so others could be more. Yes, and so Love just became elusive to me. Over time, it got lost in translation. Somewhere between the Earth and the Moon. And the definition I came to understand, the interpretation I learned by heart, was founded in conditions, in understanding and consideration – on my end. The Understanding and the Consideration of not and hopefully never disappointing anyone. Not them. Not you. Not me. No one.