She was alone, in the white room trying to block out any white noise from her life. She stood there in silence and yet all she heard were voices. She felt trapped in her own imagination, in her own mind, without any hope for an escape from the overwhelming reality that came above her head like a heavy wave from the ocean. The pain in her stomach felt so fierce, almost as if someone was punching her and after each hit, pinching it with a needle. Her head was feeling dizzy and she could feel that any minute now she will fall into the ground. Trying to clench her fists to hold on to some inner strength, she was fighting this wave of pain ; and when she could not fight it anymore, she finally opened her eyes.
« Hey, are you all right ? » a familiar female voice broke the silence.
She stood there thinking, how long has it been that she blacked out or whited out ? How long has she allowed the overwhelm take over her ? The room before her was blurry and she could not make out how many people were staring at her. Were they all waiting for her to act on something or say something ? Is this one of the moments where embarrassment hits right after an anxiety attack ?
« I am fine, sorry, just have a bit of a headache – that’s all ». Her voice was calm burning on the inside and cool on the outside.Â
The group of people before her resumed their conversations, while she stood up to get a glass of water. Everything was blurry, what happened a few minutes ago? What triggered the white out?
“Everyone, please, can I have your attention?” – a familiar male voice addressed the room. “I am pleased to announce that Cara and I are officially engaged”.
The room suddenly filled up with laughter, congratulations, and cheers. That’s it, that is what triggered the white out. His being here, and his news shattering any pieces of hope that remained. Had she known that this would be the highlight of this housewarming party, she would not have come, but she was not even aware he was invited. She was not even aware that after all what she has been through, her friends kept in touch with him.
Was the white out because of him or because of silent stab in the back from her friends, who knowing the full story ignore the signs and keep him close?
Cara was a great girl, there was even a time she was a friend back in college. Poor girl, she does not even know what she is getting herself into; or maybe she does and she is just as narcissistic as he is.
She felt the urge to leave the party but it had to be done in a socially acceptable manner and so that no one could draw the connection between her leaving and their announcement. To her rescue, Dylan stood up apologizing to the hosts, Maria and Dan, and bidding his goodbyes. It was an opportunity to slide out of this party in a more natural way, and she took it.
© Karina Saakyan 2024-09-03