this thing we may call love

I have never been in love.

I’ve had crushes, sure. Some were more questionable than others. My heart might’ve beaten faster when I was talking to that one fairly unattractive guy that just happened to be nice to me at school. But is that love?

I’m sure we all define love differently. Some have a rather delusional ideal of romance, others see no necessity for romantic feelings at all. And me? I guess I’m somewhere in between.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. I believe in physical attraction at first sight, but true love at first sight? I’m afraid that must be a Disney movie exclusive.

To me, love is something that evolves. It can drive you mad, it can fill your heart. It can rip you to shreds, it can fill you with fear. Love is beautiful, fulfilling, warm. At the same time, it can make us feel vulnerable, conflicted, doubtful. Love is more than physical attraction, it is more than a crush on your smelly high school teacher: Love is a bond born out of adoration, affection, respect, happiness, loyalty, honesty. Love is pure, love is mad. Love is all that and while it makes some of us feel weak, it can strengthen us in ways we had never expected. Love is acceptance, tolerance, support, fulfillment, comfort, peace. Love is accepting who we are, love is respecting our differences. Love is a force that keeps us going, even when the entire world comes crashing down. Love is beautifully insane.

Now, you may think: why is this brat who has no firsthand experience in romantic relationships telling me stuff about true love? Because imagination exists.

My idea of love may not resonate with other people’s experiences. It may not resonate with my own, if I ever manage to fall in love in this lifetime. Despite having never been in love so far, however, there’s this strange idea of romance burned into my brain. It might be unrealistic, impossible, or fake. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, lost in a hookup culture without any chance of meeting the person whose hand I long to hold. Maybe my dream will always remain this foggy illusion, permanently out of reach, no matter how hard I stretch out my limbs. Call me naive, call me inexperienced. Chances are, you’re right.

But will me being wrong stop me from craving that heated kiss on a rainy night? Will it stop me from chasing that fateful encounter with the person of my dreams? Will it stop me from dreaming of a destined romance happening when I least expect it?

No.

The more love seems out of reach, the more we seem to crave it. Does that make us idiots? Are we fools for desiring the impossible? Or are we hopeful dreamers because we know just how hopeless the situation is? After all, isn’t the rareness of true love exactly what makes it worth waiting for?

Sure, maybe I should stop chasing the idea of something that may not exist and spend my time on more productive things. Maybe we should all stop looking for love, since it seems so unattainable in this modern world. Or maybe, just maybe, this hopeless chase is exactly what keeps us all going.