Track 14 – The End

They say that every life has different seasons. I would say I was born in spring, beautiful and colorful and full of uninhibited life. Then there was winter, long and cold, so cold I sometimes shivered and wondered what would be better, to live on freezing or to die of the cold. After I woke from my hibernation, I can finally enjoy life and rest in my summer. It’s not the most peaceful times either, but everything seems less hopeless when it’s colored in an orange summer haze. I don’t know how long my summer will last, but I’ll enjoy every second of heat on my skin. And I hope that when my summer will be over, that a cozy quiet autumn will await me.

I’ve recently found a new job that doesn’t feel torturous, and by learning to listen to my needs, I’ve alleviated my pain. My days are peaceful now and revolve around small joys: putting on cute clothes, eating dinner, walking to the nearby park with my music turned on letting the soundwaves carry me away. Then, as the stress falls behind on my walk I write a thousand things that were hidden underneath it. Though, now that I am more alive than ever, I also feel more asleep than I was before. Instead of a sharp pain keeping me wide awake, the warm linen sheets wrapped around my day now keep me drowsily happy and half asleep. Sometimes I need to take deep breaths to not fall asleep completely. Still, Summers lullaby rings pleasantly in my ears as I go about my life.

Then, a few months after I had returned from my travels, a letter arrived for me. One, I had addressed from myself to myself, to arrive later to my home in Copenhagen.

It said: “You are having the time of your life right now. And I am so proud of you for that. If you remember, just a couple of years ago we struggled every day to get out of bed. But we didn’t give up then, we tried and tried and one day it got easier. We took good care of ourselves and made the choices that were necessary to set us up on the path to a life we can now look forward getting out of bed for. And we did it. And now we are traveling on the other side of the earth.

For the future, I hope you trust yourself to lead you to happiness, even if you stumble sometimes along the way. Remember, we are enough to make us happy, so don’t throw away your peace for someone who can’t understand how hard we worked for it. Now, I’m in Seoul, and next we will travel to Busan, and then Japan. It will be fun and a memory to look back at. Make lots of more fun memories, meet fun people and eat well. Love, Sio:)”

I think I’ll listen to that letter. Still, I carry all my pain with me like an oyster. It invades my flesh, drilling itself deep into me. But then I turn it – layer upon careful layer – into a pretty pearl. I have realized, that life is never lost, it is only changed. What we change it into is our own decision. I want my existence to be something cheerful, and so it was an easy decision what to do with my pain.

Before, dreams were dearer to me than life, but after I started treating life as one of my pleasant dreams, I have no desire to wake up anymore.