Even if it’s her Birthday today she knew very well that she shouldn’t wished for anything. Anything other than Senfeier, because she surely gonna make herself one. The more she thought about her birthday, the more she was convinced that the only way to cherish it is to remember her Mom. Even if it’s including her frugal Saxon dish day that no one in theory should consciously make it for lunch. Sarah meticulously boiled 4 eggs and 8 potatoes in one pot while Lukas glance over the kitchen for a hot minute. There is no way, Sarah would let him see what she’s doing, she is fed up with his supportive criticism, she could only imagine that he would try to one up her little poor Sarah’s story, by telling her his migration story from DDR as he was a baby. Right after she closed the lid of the pot, she texted the one that would always listen to her stories. There are four eggs and for sure, she wouldn’t eat it alone, that’s her justification. She couldn’t decide, guess who is the birthday girl or wanna eat the quentenssial German culture to send out, everything feels desperate and today shouldn’t be the day she would feel one.
Imagine her delight, when Budi texted her to find her whereabout, because his class was canceled and he has a lot of free time to stroll around Köln. She invited him to meet in front of the main building and to explore Köln from there. But deeply she knew that, she would just ask him to sit somewhere under a tree in Uniwiese and being vulnerable all the way in the worst day of her every year.
“For Germans birthday isn’t really that important!” Sarah couldn’t help herself to build a wall surrounding her confessional later on.
“Because you guys couldn’t find joy in celebrating the deteriorating part of your youth?”
“Maybe.. i personally don’t like the attention and Lukas once said it’s too much preparation for getting gifts that he doesn’t need”.
Budi shakes his head and his eyes roll judgily at her as sign of his stand on the opposing ideas. So she thinks that it’s perfect time to drop the fact that it’s her birthday today, that the worst memory always come today that her late mom biggest effort was mixing mustard and cream and pour it over one pot boiled egg and potatoes. How she feels so miserable today of all the other days she would feel extra guilty for not missing her, for not be able to find an extra compassion on the life she has before she moves to this sunny city.
“I’m sorry to dump it all over you all of the sudden. I don’t think you could understand, from your insta i could always see celebration here and everywhere, but i’ve never seen such a good listener, like you are…”
Budi perked up, “I think we are so much alike more than we think we are…” and proceed to tell her his life story and how he tries his best until now to learn about love from the absence of love itself, how he tries to convince himself that the blank space could only mean more room for color, how it often gets so freaking lonely in the well. “It was so nice to meet you.”
© Azmi Hoffmann 2024-08-31