by Alexa_Sara
There was a girl I loved more than the world. She was my sister. Not by blood but by heart. She was part of my soul when I thought I had none. She was there. At least I always thought she was. Till the day you came into my life. Till the day she gave me the ultimatum. Her or you. It ripped my heart. I did not understand. But you promised to speak to her. To talk to her about us. Till she would understand. And when you came back, you pledged it went well, you pledged you would fix everything up. That we would all see eye to eye. So relief washed over me. Till I saw it in her face. That she despised me from one moment to the other. Till I felt it in my heart. When she bullied me, up to me bawling the whole weekend. What had I done? Why would this happen? You said everything was fine. You hold me, rock me like a baby and tell me she will come by, that you did everything right. And she just needed time, time to adjust. But, every harsh word, every lie spread, every scorned laugh when I walked by. Not only from her, suddenly everyone stepping in. Our friends, my friends, my family even. I could not bare it, could not take it anymore. So I asked you, I begged you to stay away with me. I begged you to keep me out of her reach. I begged you to let me heal in peace. You stroked my head and touched my lips, but went ahead to make a deal, putting me in the out and you in. Telling me you had no choice, that you had only this chance, that I had to push through, that I had to be tough just once in my life. Suck it up, babygirl, you had said. And instead of cursing you for your betrayal, I did. Because when I had lost everything, I did not want to feel like the loser. So I sucked it up and kept going. Broken and hurt. Trying to hold my head up high, trying in front of everyone, when I failed behind closed doors, alone and in darkness, I failed. Because I was the loser. I had not only lost your support and, with that, all the respect I had towards you. I had lost the girl I had loved more than the world. She had been my sister. Not by blood but by heart. And that heart was now broken. Two halves divided like we were. My soul in pieces and no one there, when I figured that you had never spoken to her. Had never have a talk about us in the beginning, that had went well. So you had never fixed up anything. When I figured I had made the wrong choice, it was too late. Because she would not come around. The girl who was everything to me, she was gone with the wind. A stranger now. And we were too different to try again. So I had nothing but fragments of a past. I had no other choice left than to mourn her like a loved one passing. And when I had lost everything, I did not want to feel like the loser. So I kept you to make me whole.
Until I coaxed myself into believing I had made the right choice anyway.
© Alexa_Sara 2022-08-27