V

Today I was finally able to get a decent sleep.
My exhausted body could rest,
But my mind kept racing.
Despite survival instinct,
My brain wants my body 
to be somewhere else.
My consciousness despises
My body being safe
and rested.

***
I remember,
I was rushing to leave home
Since I was really young.
I needed a safer place 
To grow. 
To nurture little 
Sprouts of joy,
shelter them 
From impending doom.

My dear roots,
I’m sorry I ever tried 
To cut you. 
It took me so much pain 
To realize
I’m dead without you. 

***
I feel my heart racing 
As I look around 
And see all these buildings 
Falling apart and fading. 
I feel a giant aching 
Growing hole. 
In my chest.
It’s weighing on me,
It’s pressing. 
Slowly crushing my organs,
Turning them into soup. 

What is left of this city? 
A silent emptiness, 
A burning tree. 
I wake up.
My heart is racing 
My chest is aching.
The void is still there 
So is the fire. 
So is the fear. 

I let the anxiety take me. 
I let it consume me.
I’m nothing. 
I’m a numb chunk of pain.
I’m accepting
Not being stronger.
The tree is burning
And I’m letting the fire 
Enter within.
29th day of the war