Vulnerability

Nele Kintrup

by Nele Kintrup

Story

There was a time when I thought of vulnerability as the absence of safety. It is a type of vulnerability I was very familiar with. Never would I have thought that opening up could feel like anything else than exposing myself.

Two years ago, I came to learn that opening my heart to somebody safe could result in unconditional love. Showing the world my all, I today manage to feel vulnerable and safe.
As the presence of one, does not implement the absence of the other. Quite the opposite, actually. Showing my internal world to the outside has led me to feel much more security, because I learned that people do accept me for what I had kept hidden so long.

Growing up, sharing my inside worlds felt as if I was marching into an open battlefield, ready to be attacked and fall. Yet, once that expected fall didn’t occur, I realized that it lay in my hand which landscape I would find myself in with my treasure in hand.

By letting go of the anticipation of being attacked, I managed to create a completely new scenery.
People are kind here in this meadow covered in flowers. Bees and bumblebees peacefully do their jobs and the tree’s leaves wave at me, welcoming me back. Sometimes the wind will ask me out for a dance and the raindrops dry my tears.

Vulnerability, as I see it today, finds its roots in authenticity and winds its way through the grounded trunk of courage, until reaching the branches, where it is met with opportunity until finally reunited with endless love in its crown.

The higher self is met and, without fear, I step out into the world because, in fact, the battlefield has been replaced.

The exact acts that used to make me feel unsafe today empower and distinguish me.
Expressing myself authentically wasn’t an option earlier in my life. Therefore, my inner values I locked away because they were what I was most ashamed and insecure of. I had felt as if those were precisely the characteristics that made me unlovable.

Finding the courage to be vulnerable after having experienced so many reasons not to, is what brought me here today. Through various role models, I realized that giving up on life was just not an option, so I came to the conclusion, that what I needed most to keep that promise was my true self. I brought to light the specific parts of me I was afraid to show anybody and used them as my stepping stones.

As soon as I recognized that option, opportunities presented themselves to me and as I kept reaching for more challenges, I continued receiving more chances for growth. Life is a ladder and only the ones who’ve shed their old skin and put on their superwoman cape will keep progressing no matter what.

All the pain I went through, led me to where I am right now. It shaped me and, rather than continuing to despise it, I chose abundance. The richness of life has allowed me to come this far.
And it would not have turned out this way if it had not been for the pain.

© Nele Kintrup 2024-08-28

Genres
Spirituality
Moods
Reflektierend