When I had no clue

I remember being a hyper kid, always playing and always energetic. As a baby, I was a little “earthquake,” at least according to my parents.

It is essential to mention that I grew up in a military family, so later on, things were pretty strict for me and my brother. We were raised to be “correct” before the eyes of society. Not only did we need to have good grades in school, but we were expected to be perfect. There were so many rules to follow: always say hello, always say please, and always say thank you, or you will be seen as a bad-behaved child. I wonder if that had something to do with the fact that I was usually shy when talking to someone new. I would mainly observe other people’s interactions and my surroundings. I was a little scared of adults.

Yes. I was shy. I kept my thoughts to myself, and I definitely wondered a lot: if God created us, who created God?

I remember having these types of thoughts when I was six or seven. My mom was pretty much involved in religion for as long as I can remember. It is safe to say that she was a “Jesus lady” and a “lady of values.” I am pretty sure I asked myself questions about God partially due to her influence. Later on, I would realize that, despite my mom’s influence, I was born to ask.

See, the truth is, I question my thoughts a lot. My mind was, and is, as hyper as a baby on caffeine: always restless, always ready to say or share something with others…or with my own personal diary.

Why am I giving you this information? How is this related to anxiety? You may wonder…

Well, it is important to remember where we come from in order to understand how we ended up where we are and how we can get to where we want to be. Trust me on this, you have heard it before: knowledge is power.

Anxiety can end up happening at some point in our lives. I say it can happen because not everybody experiences it: you won’t always know if that’s your lesson to learn in this lifetime. But it was mine. And it caught me by surprise.

I would say that anxiety happens as a consequence of certain events that keep adding, adding, and adding throughout your life, until it has no choice but to pour out of the glass of water….the glass of our life.

Looking back, I do think that this perception of “having to be perfect,” “having to be good,” and having to be “successful,” among other factors, contributed to my encounter with the not-so-popular teacher Anxiety.

All I know is that I was in for a lesson. A lesson that, at first, I was not going to understand nor want, but that, in the end, I was not going to regret either.

I jumped in. I cried. I smiled. I went into the classroom. I took notes, and I learned from this teacher. I don’t have a PhD in it, but I would like to share my experience with the world, in hopes someone finds comfort in my words.