When The Devil comes

Every night, he appears in my bedroom.

Harassing me. Haunting me.

I can barely shut my eyes because each time I do, I fall down an endless hole of destruction.

He has left me with bruises, chunks of hair missing, cuts all over and has even ripped off my nails.

No scar on my body can compare to the scar he leaves on my soul tonight.

Last night, I went into the kitchen and sat there until this morning. After mindlessly staring for 5 hours, my boyfriend came into the room. Sleepily he said, “Had a bad dream again?”. “Yeah,” I answered. He came up behind me and held me. Miles’ touch is the only thing that’ll make me feel better. “Everything is okay now,” he whispered while holding me tightly. Still maintaining a quiet tone, he added, “But you know you can always wake me up.” I didn’t respond. Instead, I gave an awkward laugh, trying to hold back my tears.

Sleeping was one of the things I used to love. Nobody talking to me and no need to take care of me or anyone else, I could just… be. Now, I’d much rather be awake and aware. Even when my boyfriend and I cuddle up on the couch, I will never fall asleep. As much as I would like to, it’s impossible. I’m terrified that he will haunt me again. Miles always stays awake with me, in case anything should happen. We were snuggled up on the couch this morning, watching our favorite show. About 2 episodes in, we got up to make lunch. After eating, we went about our daily tasks. Evening rolled around and, like clockwork, the first panic attack slowly set in.

My anxiety levels are through the roof if I even so much as think of sleeping.

2 hours ago, Miles and I got ready for bed. He was trying to calm me down, as he does every night. I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep. All of these nights, I try my best to give him no mind. To completely erase him from my life.

I laid down next to my boyfriend. He told me that everything was going to be okay and that he’d stay awake until I’d fallen asleep. He wrapped his arms around me, and immediately, everything was okay. Pretty soon, I drifted off with no thoughts of the Devil.

But even with no prior thought, I couldn’t seem to escape him. Even in my head, he is right there, saying these horrid things, laying his hands on me.

“You are nothing”, as he scratches me with his sharp nails. “Nobody can put up with you.” scratch. “I regret choosing you.” scratch. “Stop, stop, stop,” I whisper, covering my ears. He stops talking, and just when I think he has left, he says, “It’s not my fault that you’re a horrible girlfriend.” “Miles… stop it, please.” It takes so much energy to get so few words out. If only he knew what he was saying. I cannot tell anyone. Not even him. I cannot lose him. Even after he left me with a broken heart.

THE END.