// YOU MADE ME BELIEVE AGAIN

it seemed so good. too good to be true. why would you stay. if you came out of the blue.

I failed to mention, that my intuition normally doesn’t fail me. deep in my core, I always neglected it. but this time I thought, I could adore you without remorse.

but still, it seems like I couldn’t give you more. you decided that another course was better for you.

and I do understand, I just didn’t get, why it wasn’t different this time. being with you felt, like what I had seen people feeling in movies or what I wished for as a teen. parts of me were healing. I was able to feel safer, even quite keen.

physical touch always felt like a burden. kept in a maze with many dead ends. figuring out which way to go and yet, it also depends on who made the parts of the maze with you. every alley, every corner, reminds me of one of them or others. some were obsessions, wrong turns, warners. some just kids of different mothers.

all in all, you have one thing in common. you were marvels. you were riddles. made me fade away little by little.

I always had a passion for solving mysteries, but I didn’t think passion would come to be a mystery for me and that solving everything was as hard as breathing under water.

I feel like reaching the destination. I’m getting closer every time. with all the frustration, at least I found myself again to rhyme.

I am painting pictures of things I’ve never seen before. I am missing versions of others that don’t exist anymore. with every forgotten memory, I leave back a part of me. always working on a fresh start but I “thank you for the tragedy, I need it for my art.”

from people hurting me on purpose. and the ones that just didn’t know any better. I left this freaking circus and dispatch my thoughts on them like a letter. I want to make sense out of my pain. I want to make my pain into art. to liberate my heart and get back to my reign.

but this will be a long way to go. don’t want to retake steps from once ago.

I don’t like being slow. still life showed me, that I need to go with the flow.

or maybe I’m just dead fish.

sometimes I think, I should be looking for a map. even if it could be a trap, maybe I’d feel more at ease. whatever it would be, it’s still better than to randomly fight, fright or freeze.

I am puzzled in a daze – I don’t know why.

I am caught in a maze

waiting for someone to come by.

I am patient

but I’m lacking trust.

I feel infatuation

under a whole lotta dust.