by AmorayKenna
As I walked into my room, I realized that everything was wrong because nothing was wrong. I looked around and it all seemed like a big big lie. My rosé bedsheets and the perfumes on my shelf, my furry carpet and my little pink calender, they seemed so wrong, so out of place, after the story I just heard from you. I built this home for myself, because I thought I could shut out the truth that lies buried beneath my satin sheets. But the truth will always find you, no matter how hard you try to hide from it.
I broke down crying, and sunk to my knees to pray. I was angry at the higher power I believed in. I prayed every night, asking for safety, and he promised, he promised nothing bad would happen to the people I love. I pray for you every night.
I looked at my life, as it was lying in my palm, and thought about how lucky I am. Because we are not that different, my life could have been yours. But it’s not. Instead, I have a perfect life, with pretty problems. When clouds cover my sky and it rains, I know that a rainbow will come, that it won’t rain forever. You don’t. Your life isn’t that secure. You don’t know who will be there tomorrow, you don’t know who will leave you today.
It all reminded me of a picture I drew when I was in kindergarten with you. A lonely flower standing in a field of grass. I forgot to draw the sun, and the sky and air surrounding the flower are more black than blue. The rest of the world appeared to be eating the little flower, and swallowing it whole, until, eventually, there would be nothing left but a lonely stem, in a lonely field, with a dark sky, and no hope for sunshine.
And I hate that I can’t relate to you, but at the same time, I am eternally grateful that I can’t. You didn’t deserve this life, and if I was given a choice, I would switch with you in a heartbeat. Not because I don’t really understand how hard your life is, but because I have always been your friend, and I would gladly take the fall for you. I have always loved you and I want you to be happy. And because of all that, because I know you so well, and because there are so many parts of you that I don’t know at all, because I love you, and because we are friends, because you didn’t ask for any of this, I would trade. I would trade it all for you, because you are a good, good person, and you deserve better.
© AmorayKenna 2022-01-29