I gave you my body and my soul. I told you my deepest secrets. I gave my “whole self” to you. I trusted you so much. I was hoping that you will change your opinion. That your broken heart from the previous relationship will heal, I will put it back together, and It will love me. You will find your home in me, your steady background, you will find out that I am not your ex-girlfriend and I would never betray you. From the first day, I saw you, I knew that we were meant for each other. We understand each other so well, despite our difficult personalities. We shined bright together like the sun during the sunrise. When people saw us, they just smiled warmly. Our energies fit together so well. Or was it just my feeling? But you used me to help you to move on. You let me walk my own path. Without you. It felt like you left me alone in the middle of the night in the dark forest without caring what will happen to me. Unfortunately, for the time we spent together, you became a part of me, a part of my heart. You have told me so many times how much I meant to you, how you appreciate me, how glad you are that you met me. However, your actions were the opposite. I gave you my whole self and what did I get back? Manipulation. Being full of remorse and an empty place in my heart. I dreamed so many times, how it would be if we stayed together. Even if we were a thousand miles apart from each other, my heart would be always with you. All my thoughts would belong to you. I would come to see you on every occasion possible, everyone and everything would go aside. Anyone who would cross my road wouldn't succeed. Your voice and beautiful eyes looking at me through the phone screen would be my whole world. I would need so little to be happy. But your bitterness and being stuck in the past ruined everything. I wanted to spend every single moment with you. Talk about everything and nothing at the same time. Feel your touch on my body. Feel your skin. How you breathe. Feel your heartbeat, the heart that would beat just for me. We would sit on the top of the car and watch the stars together giving them names. Dance in the rain. Do crazy stuff together. We would laugh so much that we would cry. We would go through the beautiful moments, but the bad ones too, because life is not just about the nice things. I would stay by your side. Always. Our love would grow, and finally, it would be so big that I would even sacrifice my life for you. But let's come to reality. Now I am here alone, without you. In my office with eyes full of tears. I don't even know who can I trust anymore, what is good and what is bad. Is it better to let you go and cut the contact, or should I suffer even more and stay in touch with you? What will eat me alive less?
© Marcela Gasparovicova 2021-05-04