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What if

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What if |

When they last met, they grabbed a coffee to go and walked in the streets, that were decorated with christmas lights. It was cold, her cheeks were blushed because of the winterly air and her freezing hands held tight onto the warm coffee mug. They hadn’t seen each other in weeks and also writing has gotten less and less.

Of course, it’s been busy weeks for him, she understood and was the happier he was taking time that day. It’s been a bit of a relief that he still wanted to see her. When they’ve been together last time they’ve finally, after weeks of slowly and carefully approaching each other, gotten on to kissing and exploring each other’s bodies.

He started it, she’s been waiting for it, was to shy herself and insecure. Thought it was maybe only herself feeling that connection, didn’t want to ruin it. It’s been relieving when it finally happened and she could give in to that inner force that’s been drawing her to him for weeks. But after that followed weeks of silence.

She started to feel silly, had she only been used? And now that he’s gotten what he wanted, she was of no more interest to him? Her thoughts made her feel even more silly, it was hard abandoning them and just stay patient. That day, with the coffee in her hands, walking besides him, talking as if nothing happened, as if there hadn’t been those weeks of silence, she felt at peace.

Whatever was going to happen would happen. And being around him she always felt that kind of inner peace. Because they were both freezing, they soon decided to go to his place. There their talking went on and on, time passed by quickly. Outside it soon had gotten dark, they went to the window and looked out a the christmas lighted city.

It would have been easy for her to get on the windowsill, grab his hands and pull him closer. But she was too insecure after all those weeks. On the one hand, he was taking time now, so he was not not interested in her, but on the other hand there’ve been those weeks of distance. So the moment passed. What if she hadn’t been too shy?

Standing by the window, looking out, laughing. She sits down on the windowsill and reaches for his hands. Looks into his eyes while directing him closer to her. Then kisses him, her hands on his body, his hands on hers. The window, with the world outside, in her back. Just the two of them enjoying the moment, finding salvation.

© Nela 2021-12-11


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